I have an audition. I also just took an audition.
The audition of the past was for the National Orchestral Institute, a summer program at the University of Maryland. It went quite well. I wasn't going to mention that I took it, but it turns out NOI posts their audition roster online, so everyone in the world can now find out that I took the NOI audition. On January 15th. At the Curtis Institute in Philadelphia. At 3:20 pm. So much for discretion. Actually, it's probably a good thing because I shouldn't be secretive about taking auditions. Despite what my jealousy-addled, inadequacy-issued brain thinks, there might be some people in the world who want me to do well, or could offer me advice.
The audition of the future is for associate principal bassoon of the Cincinnati Symphony. Will I win? Probably not. This will only be my second for realzy-realz audition. It's cool though--as a wise woman told me just today, "The only way to win a job is to take auditions." And it's weird how I will just...not take that advice.
I believe it was Ru Paul who famously said, "You better work!" I will take her advice as well. Practicing for this audition has been going adequately. I am still "shedding," on the more technically difficult items. I want to do this for another week. My teacher told me it's going to stink, and be a hard road, and I will get frustrated, and tire out early and easily, and I may not win this audition, but this work is, as she refers to it, "money in the bank."
When I think back, I have done a lot of failing at the bassoon. Sometimes I feel like the pursuit of my dream has beaten me up sufficiently, and it makes me feel scrappier when I think back on all the challenges I have overcome. Then I realize, I'm just getting started.